Stuffed With Family This Thanksgiving?
Featured Columnist: Yael Stromer, WIN Staff writer
The days are shorter, the temperatures are dipping into the chill zone, and the twinkly lights have begun to make their appearances on trees. For some, this is the harbinger of the most wonderful time of the year. For others, the most wonderful time of the year is sometime in May, when the thought of holiday season, overwhelming consumerism, and family gatherings are a long way off.
Sound familiar?
Many folks report feeling an increase of stress and fatigue around the holiday season, reports a study done by the American Psychological Association. With work and sleep schedules interrupted by travel plans, family visits, and holiday parties, it’s difficult to maintain a sense of internal equilibrium.
In light of Thanksgiving’s impending arrival, we thought we’d offer you a few easy tips to navigate one of the holiday’s biggest stressors — family. Whether it’s Great-Aunt Muriel’s loose cannon, or that age old family argument that refuses to die, you won’t have to hold your hands over your ears this holiday season, and here’s why:
- Don’t Take It TOO Personally
So, whether it’s an in-law who asks you if you really want to have that second piece of pie, or an older sibling who plays the holier-than-thou card, remember that they are often acting out as a result of their own insecurity, not pointing out one in you. Remind yourself that you are fine the way you are and that you can hold your own! Remember that you don’t have to take other people’s garbage seriously, and allow yourself to revel in the fact that you can have your pie and eat it too!
2. Do Set Boundaries
Oh, the elusive art of boundary setting. While seemingly difficult to accomplish, the reward greatly outweighs the initial discomfort. Setting clear boundaries is when you can clearly communicate to those around you what it is you need so you can operate from a place of inner content. It’s important to think about what kinds of boundaries you’d like to establish before you jet-set to see the family. That way, your intentions are well thought-out, and you will have clarity to follow through with them, even when the excitement of the holiday is in full swing.
“Boundaries actually help to create more secure, healthy relationships. It’s generally a lack of boundaries that leads to issues among families,” says Dr. Traci Lowenthal of Creative Insights Counseling in California.
For example, if you know that your extended family will be converging at your parent’s home for the holiday while you’re visiting from out of town, you may choose to stay at a hotel instead of camping out with all of your aunts, uncles, cousins, and kittens. This way, you can choose when to spend time with the crew, instead of feeling like you’re stuck in an endless rabbit hole of whining and emotion sucker-punching.
Your family or loved ones may push back at first if you haven’t made a case for establishing clear boundaries in the past, but don’t give up hope. When you stand by your resolve, others will have no choice but to respect you and allow you to function the way you need.
3. The Heat Of The Moment Isn’t So Hot
Our final words of wisdom may be the toughest to follow through with, but alas here goes. An argument breaks out, and it’s getting uglier by the moment. You feel compelled to climb on the table and yell at everyone to settle down, but it’s probably best not to. Surprised to hear that?
Harvard Business Review writer, Jeanne Brett, notes, “There’s lots of research (see here and here) that shows that our emotional and rational minds work in parallel — when our emotional mind is on top, rationality goes out the window…in these cases, instead of productively discussing the issue at hand, we end up in a negative emotional spiral, where both sides escalate the conflict, say hurtful things or even make threats, and aren’t able to disengage.
Responding to an adverse situation as it’s unfolding is tricky; chances are, your emotions are running as high as the person who instigated the ugly scene to begin with! The last thing you want to do is stoke already rising flames of tension, so our best advice is to momentarily zip your lips, and wait until the scene has blown over before you get involved.
The WIN Summit is presented annually by The Negotiation Institute. TNI has been providing training solutions to companies across the globe for over 50 years. Under the initiative of incoming TNI Chairman, Jack Simony, WIN Summit was launched in 2015 to empower and educate women through the Art of Negotiation. For more information on the WIN Summit, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram. Make sure to visit our site and register for the 2018 WIN Summit on May 2nd, 2018 in NYC.
